OK, I’ll admit it, I have been trying to eat a bit healthier lately. Cut out some fat, eat a few more vegetables; stuff like that. I eat a lot of BLT sandwiches, and I know bacon’s not great for me, so I decided to try turkey bacon. I like turkey, I like bacon, and it’s cheaper. What could go wrong?
I’m literally going to hunt down whoever decided to taint bacon’s name and kill them. This isn’t bacon at all. It’s more like turkey deli meat cut into strips with artificial ass flavoring (at least I hope it’s artificial.) Guess what else sucks about it. It doesn’t get all crispy and crunchy. It doesn’t ooze grease that pops at you when you flip the strips. It doesn’t even make the whole house and all your clothes stink like bacon for the rest of the day!
Was vegetarian bacon not enough? At least with that I can be pretty sure that it won’t taste, smell or act like real bacon. I had high hopes for this turkey situation. Turkey Bacon, you’ve just joined the ranks of cotton sweaters, titanium bike frames and Sharpie retractable markers!