V-Day 2013

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Best Valentine’s day tires ever!

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Also, shout out to local Molly Steinmetz for the awesome Valentine card that I got for Ashlinn. Check out her storenvy shop and her tumblr!

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Blisters & Other Stuff

Why do I only get blisters at the bases of my middle, ring and pinky fingers? I feel like my index finger is doing just as much work, why does he get away with looking so pampered?
BTW, Ashlinn is back and I’m still alive. Bachelor Week boiled down to me lugging home more lumber on foot. My dad keeps telling me to buy a car, but I keep telling him the buy list is organized like this:
1. Dog
2. Pizza
3. House
4. Pizza
5. Car
Speaking of dogs, check out this gentleman. Ashlinn and I visited him at the shelter and if nobody claims him by Tuesday, I may be building a dog bed. He seems quite polite, but a little too vocal. I would be too in the same situation.
On the topic of being fenced in with no way to get home, I must recommend District 9. Neill Blomkamp did a great job of creating characters that react very realistically in their environment.
Funny People was also really good too, but you’ll have to check Ashlinn’s blog for a proper review.

I don’t know what the other half of this sticker said, but I bet it was hilarious.

Bachelor Week: Day 2

Here’s an update.
Scratched my crotch in front of a woman exiting church.
Read a Time article about Obama’s golf game.
Got into a heated discussion in Goodwill with a child about the importance of using coasters.
Almost bought a file cabinet, not for files but for my pants.
Reassured myself that pizza and soda is the best combination of any two things.
Pined over this, bought this and this instead.
Discovered 16 oz. Izze bottles!
Paid for, then lost a package of tortillas.
Now it’s time to sleep.

Fidelity to the Blog

I have two very important announcements to make in this post.
The first one is a recession tip for thrifty folks with a sweet tooth (myself included.) I present exhibit A:

See that dollop of frosting and sprinkles? That has been abandoned by the buyer of the donut and is now up for grabs to the fortunate individual who finds it. Go on, take it, just be sure to use a tissue.
My second announcement is a little larger. The BLS just reported that the average employed American now works 33 hours in a week. All those furloughs have brought us to the shortest work week since these figures have been recorded, 1964.
Because of this, I have decided that any friends who come to visit me in Seattle are allegable to apply for a tax rebate up to $50. That’s right, I’ll reimburse you for the tax that you spend while visiting me. You’ll get a bonus $5 if you bring a skateboard.
Wondering if you qualify for the rebate?
Have we ever gone swimming together?
Have we ever shared a pizza pie?
Have you ever pretended to be interested in my LOST theories?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, pack your bags. See you soon.

Arms Debate

Alan and Mo (aka Project Tandem) wrote to me last week wondering if I were to have an arm growing out of my chest, would I want it facing palm up or palm down. I actually spent a lot of time thinking about this. Here’s my break down:
Palm Up:
+ I get to eat with 3 hands. Burger, pizza, soda…at the same time! Can you think of anything more satisfying?
+ You know those really stubborn zits where you think “If I could just stab it with one more finger…”? Solved.
+ I could toss an apple into the air, while smoking a cigarette and pointing at hot chicks. I’d be the coolest guy in town.

Palm Down:
+ Faster typing (with more typos, obviously.)
+ Increased smothering abilities.
+ I may finally be able to defeat this girl.
+ Opens up so many new high five opportunities.

So, as you can see, palm down outweighs palm up. That’s my answer. It would be awesome either way. Does anybody know a good surgeon in the Seattle area?