More Serious Than I Realized
I was going to write this up in a quick Facebook post, then I realized that this is far more important than that. This gets a whole blog post.
Bread.
Butter.
Cheese.
There is nothing better you can do with these things than make a grilled cheese sandwich. There is no arguing about it. Anything less than a grilled cheese sandwich is a waste of an opportunity for greatness.
This lady knows what’s up. I agree with everything she says except the nonstick pan, buy this instead!
“The war against hunger is truly mankind’s war of liberation.”
– John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Good Start
I’m 30 minutes into 2010 and I’ve already found free episodes of Rocko’s Modern Life on Xbox Live. I wonder what the next 8,759.5 hours will bring.
Technology, Where Are You?
OK, I’ll admit it, cars can do some pretty cool things. Do you remember the first time you saw power windows? How about the first time you experienced cruise control first hand? Do you remember how amazed you were when you realized that there’s an iPod cable in the center console that connects to your stereo? It displays the track names right there in the dash. You can change the track from buttons on the damn steering wheel. With the new Ford Sync, you can control your iPod by just shouting commands. It will even read you your text messages! We’ve got solar powered ventilation systems. Your car knows where you are, when to turn right and what traffic to avoid. They put cameras in the back bumper so you don’t even need to turn your head around while you back up for Chrissakes. But here’s the deal: Why isn’t there an in-car refrigerator yet? If I can’t leave a delicious Coca Cola in my car all day long without it warming up to piss temperatures, than how am I supposed to fully enjoy owning a car?
Car manufacturers, the ball is in your court.
That Crazy Colbert
This is a clip from the November 30th episode of The Colbert Report, featuring a representative for The Ploughshares Fund in a Better Know A Lobby segment. This is clearly the best impression of a nuclear explosion ever. My favorite part? Well the part with the bicycle of course.
The Link!
My Distorted Perception of the World
If you’ve seen me in the last few weeks, you may have noticed that the top of my head has been getting a little…ummm…shitty. Today I decided it was time for a haircut. This is a big deal because I was going to actually go to a barbershop and pay somebody to cut my hair for me. Since high school, I have probably paid for a haircut once, maybe twice. (Special thanks to Kaylee, Gina, Ashlinn’s friend Anne and Ashlinn herself for donating time to my trimmings.)
I stopped to get coffee and then made my way to Old Town Ballard. By the time I got to the barbershop, which employs almost entirely women, I’m freaking out. My brain will not let go of the fact that I should feel improper about these actions. Paying somebody else for something that I should be doing myself? This is filthy. My brain is treating this like I am at a bordello. My legs are weak, my brow is sweating and I might have a partial.
I write my name down on the waiting list sheet. Next to my name, they ask me if I have any preference. I pause for a moment and decide writing “brunette” would be inappropriate. I sit down and wait for them to call my name. When they do, I look up at my barber…a brunette.
She leads me to my chair right next to the window and the first thought that pops into my head is “What if somebody walking by recognizes me!” I’m such a freak.
I make nervous small talk, and probably embarrass myself on multiple levels. I eventually shut up and let her do her thing. I notice her styling license and almost tell her she has a pretty name, then I realize that is the most whorish thing to say to a girl that is providing you with a service.
I guess the whole experience peaked in absurdity when she asked me if I wanted to rinse off. I had no clue what this was going to entail, but I said yes anyways. She could have asked me if I wanted to go out back and take turns punching orphans and I still would have said yes. Turns out “rinsing off” is exactly what it sounds like. There are only sinks in the back room, so you have to walk from your chair to the other side of the building while still wearing your reverse cape. It really seals the deal to make you feel like everyone else is watching you.
In the end, I paid my $10 plus tip and left with a colder scalp and the feeling that I should be ashamed.
It also could have been due to my sensitivity to caffeine.
Can’t Beat A Classic
Attention any dudes that I met between the years 2003 and 2008, there’s a very good chance that we have shared some memorable experiences shooting each other in the face, butting each other with rifles and filling the chateau with smoke grenades. This week, Call of Duty “Classic” was released on Xbox Live and the far inferior Playstation Network.
Steps:
Go buy yourself an Xbox.
Internet it.
Download game.
Yell “Where’s the damn map!?”
Die by the wrath of my gewehr.
To anybody that isn’t interested in Call of Duty, here’s something that may take care of you.
Internet, I Remember You Now!
As I mentioned in my last post, I got the internet. It’s kind of overwhelming. Not only do I have the old internet that I’m used to, I’ve also got access to Xbox Live and Netflix Instant Queue (30 Rock, Office, Lost). This is blowing my mind.
Now I have to get used to that whole Facebook layout that people were complaining about so much. I have to log in to webpages. I have multiple applications running concurrently. Like I said, mind blown.
All these Youtube videos.
So many blogs to read.
A plethora of bike pictures on Flickr.
I’m freaking out guys!
Maybe it’s a little late, but me and Kanye just wanted to say Happy thanksgiving.
Malcolm Is My New Friend
So I just subscribed to this crazy new thing called The Internet. It’s going to be piped directly into my own apartment. And the man I have to thank for this goes by the name Malcolm. He single handedly cut deals, waived fees and kept me entertained for nearly a dozen minutes while I asked him questions and gave him my information. Thanks Malcolm. As for everybody else in the world, get ready to feel the pain, via Xbox Live.
Here is an estimated breakdown of Ashlinn and I’s internet use.
Invent This Now
Somebody needs to invent a reverse Coinstar. I go to the grocery store, put bills in the machine and it gives me quarters so can do laundry. No, this is not the same as a change machine. It’s way more high tech and larger and there are backlit plastic panels with sick change related designs on them. It would revolutionize how we use money.
“Oh man, what am I going to do with this huge $10 bill?”
“You could bring it down to Cashstar and have it conveniently turned into 8 quarters, 40 dimes, 65 nickels and 175 pennies!”
“That’s fucking genius. Why would anybody carry around bills when life is so much simpler with coins?”
Go ahead, shower me with awards.
AdamBelanger.Com 