There might be three people who read this blog who understand how and why this picture is funny.
I found this on the new Norms Studio site. Hilarious.
Category: Humor
Your’e Doing It Wrong
Guilty
OK, I admit it. Sometimes I write things down on my To-Do list after I’ve already done it, just to get the satisfaction of crossing it off.
That Crazy Colbert
This is a clip from the November 30th episode of The Colbert Report, featuring a representative for The Ploughshares Fund in a Better Know A Lobby segment. This is clearly the best impression of a nuclear explosion ever. My favorite part? Well the part with the bicycle of course.
The Link!
My Distorted Perception of the World
If you’ve seen me in the last few weeks, you may have noticed that the top of my head has been getting a little…ummm…shitty. Today I decided it was time for a haircut. This is a big deal because I was going to actually go to a barbershop and pay somebody to cut my hair for me. Since high school, I have probably paid for a haircut once, maybe twice. (Special thanks to Kaylee, Gina, Ashlinn’s friend Anne and Ashlinn herself for donating time to my trimmings.)
I stopped to get coffee and then made my way to Old Town Ballard. By the time I got to the barbershop, which employs almost entirely women, I’m freaking out. My brain will not let go of the fact that I should feel improper about these actions. Paying somebody else for something that I should be doing myself? This is filthy. My brain is treating this like I am at a bordello. My legs are weak, my brow is sweating and I might have a partial.
I write my name down on the waiting list sheet. Next to my name, they ask me if I have any preference. I pause for a moment and decide writing “brunette” would be inappropriate. I sit down and wait for them to call my name. When they do, I look up at my barber…a brunette.
She leads me to my chair right next to the window and the first thought that pops into my head is “What if somebody walking by recognizes me!” I’m such a freak.
I make nervous small talk, and probably embarrass myself on multiple levels. I eventually shut up and let her do her thing. I notice her styling license and almost tell her she has a pretty name, then I realize that is the most whorish thing to say to a girl that is providing you with a service.
I guess the whole experience peaked in absurdity when she asked me if I wanted to rinse off. I had no clue what this was going to entail, but I said yes anyways. She could have asked me if I wanted to go out back and take turns punching orphans and I still would have said yes. Turns out “rinsing off” is exactly what it sounds like. There are only sinks in the back room, so you have to walk from your chair to the other side of the building while still wearing your reverse cape. It really seals the deal to make you feel like everyone else is watching you.
In the end, I paid my $10 plus tip and left with a colder scalp and the feeling that I should be ashamed.
It also could have been due to my sensitivity to caffeine.
Invent This Now
Somebody needs to invent a reverse Coinstar. I go to the grocery store, put bills in the machine and it gives me quarters so can do laundry. No, this is not the same as a change machine. It’s way more high tech and larger and there are backlit plastic panels with sick change related designs on them. It would revolutionize how we use money.
“Oh man, what am I going to do with this huge $10 bill?”
“You could bring it down to Cashstar and have it conveniently turned into 8 quarters, 40 dimes, 65 nickels and 175 pennies!”
“That’s fucking genius. Why would anybody carry around bills when life is so much simpler with coins?”
Go ahead, shower me with awards.
True Story
Ashlinn is mopping the floor and I’m doing the dishes.
“It smells like God’s bathroom in here” I said.
“God doesn’t have a bathroom” she says.
“God has to poop somewhere.”
“God doesn’t poop.”
“Oh yeah? How do you explain Massachusetts!!!!”
ZIIIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGGG!!!!!!!!
Vote
“If you don’t vote, you’re a pretty shitty person.”
Actual quote from JFK, I think.
Imposter
It appears as though we may have a problem.
Adam Belanger Imposter
Alan Winslow Imposter
Ashlinn Imposter
Ben Smart Imposter
Daniel Stephens Imposter
Mat Thorne Imposter
Matt Bagwell Imposter
Matt Perez Imposter.
Virginia Hastings Imposter
If you don’t see your name above, you are lucky enough not to have an imposter.
Let’s Take This Seriously Guys
America’s Funniest Videos is one of my favorite shows. Seriously, go check my Facebook profile. Not every clip is golden though, I know that. Maybe Bergeron just needs a nicely laid out list.
LESS:
• People screaming while riding roller coasters. It was never funny, it never will be.
• Mascots doing something dumb (unless it’s getting in a fight with other mascots.)
• Fake ass videos that people made just to get on AFV.
• Boats accidentally driving up onto the beach. It reminds me too much of the San Francisco scenes from The Lost World.
• People dropping guns after firing them. They’re lucky they didn’t take a bullet to the genitals.
MORE:
• Exercise balls to the face.
• Brutal falls down the stairs.
• Animals eating/licking something that they instantly regret.
• People sneaking up on other people and scaring them with loud noises. That never gets old. Bonus points if the sneaker is someone really famous that doesn’t seem like a practical joker. Edward Norton, Al Gore and Reese Witherspoon are all good places to start.
• People walking into sliding doors. So funny, every time.
There you go, run along ABC.
AdamBelanger.Com 