Let’s Take This Seriously Guys

America’s Funniest Videos is one of my favorite shows. Seriously, go check my Facebook profile. Not every clip is golden though, I know that. Maybe Bergeron just needs a nicely laid out list.
• People screaming while riding roller coasters. It was never funny, it never will be.
• Mascots doing something dumb (unless it’s getting in a fight with other mascots.)
• Fake ass videos that people made just to get on AFV.
• Boats accidentally driving up onto the beach. It reminds me too much of the San Francisco scenes from The Lost World.
• People dropping guns after firing them. They’re lucky they didn’t take a bullet to the genitals.

• Exercise balls to the face.
• Brutal falls down the stairs.
• Animals eating/licking something that they instantly regret.
• People sneaking up on other people and scaring them with loud noises. That never gets old. Bonus points if the sneaker is someone really famous that doesn’t seem like a practical joker. Edward Norton, Al Gore and Reese Witherspoon are all good places to start.
• People walking into sliding doors. So funny, every time.

There you go, run along ABC.

“I Was In Junior High, Dickhead”

Last month, Marvel Comics was bought by the good old folks at Disney. A few years ago, Disney also picked up a fledgling network by the name of ABC. Do you see where I’m heading with this? All signs point to a LOST comic series. All signs except the ones being staked in the ground by a couple of jokers named Damon and Carlton.
I assure you, despite what everyone else is saying, there will be a LOST comic. Even if I have to make it myself.

Bonus: The person to properly identify the quote in the title will recieve a JPG of me giving them a thumbs up. NO Google IMDB or any other Internet bullshit tools.