HOLD YOUR HORSES AND SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTHS!
Discovery.com posted an article about a new attempt at commercial success with the Flying Car. Not surprisingly, the company was formed by a group of MIT students. They are currently doing flight tests and if all goes well they plan to have models delivered in 2010. That only leaves 5 years for them to be common enough that I can fly down to see Jaws 19, grab a Pepsi at Cafe 80’s and thrash at the hoverboard park. I can’t wait!
Read more about it here: LINK!
Category: Humor
Career Options
While traveling this summer, Ashlinn and I speculated on the option of becoming mosquito net mask models. If you look at a successful mask model, you’ll notice how happy they look. That’s because all you need to do is put the mask on and realize how nice mosquito-free living is. The mask does all the work!
Here’s a few of my favorite examples of mosquito net mask models.
Unfortunately, as the last picture shows, a lot of the mosquito net mask model jobs are being replaced by robots. This is our own fault. We can’t allow technology to replace our souls!
The Other 7 Deadly Sins
8. Pedaling while standing up.
9. Misuse of Dad’s tools.
10. Rhyming “chest” and “breast” in a rap song.
11. Thinking the 3G iPhone is the third generation of iPhone.
12. Buying any milk that isn’t whole milk.
13. Not liking the “Bourne” movies.
14. Not knowing anything about what you are selling on Craigslist.
(Bonus: Not laughing at this.)
Most Disgusting Post of the Year
Go ahead, guess what that is.
No, it’s not backed up puke water.
No, it’s not what my shoes looked like after soaking for a night.
No, it’s not the new trend of “sink tea.”
That’s the water I used to handwash a wool shirt that I had just bought from Goodwill.
Thanks a lot Flickr!
Crab Claw or Monkey Tail?
It’s going to be tough, but I’d like to know what you would rather have, a crab claw instead of a hand or a monkey tail growing out of your lower back. Carefully weigh your options:
Yes, you could suspend yourself from the monkey tail.
Yes, you could crush a skull with the crab claw.
Here are visual interpretations of what my life could have been like if I were born with these animal appendages.
Seriously guys, I’d like to know what you would go with.
Big ups to Flickr for hosting these awesome images.
Reasons You Might Be Jealous Of Me
I can carry all of my laundry back to my room without dropping anything.
I can bake a hell of a Digiorno pizza.
My girlfriend can frequently be seen modeling for book covers or Martha Stewart magazines.
I played the dead boyfriend in Matt Perez’s film at Rockport College (scene deleted).
I have more brown pants than your UPS guy.
I once kicked Jason Bourne’s ass.
There’s a 50% chance I am my parents favorite child.
I occasionally get to use a machete at work.
I give blood.
I can drink more milk than you can water.
I can make faces like this:
Things Maine People Like & New Year’s Resolutions
So I mentioned to Ashlinn that New Year’s Resolutions never really work for me, and I am going to start doing New Month’s Resolutions instead. She told me that was the most Adam Belanger thing she’s ever heard and I should sue myself for impersonating my own self.
Regardless, before February I will:
1. Finish refurbishing and sell my Bardwell & McAlister 2k fresnel.
2. Finish reading World War Z
3. Eat more vegetables.
I just got back from the holiday in Maine and I noticed a few things. I present to you Stuff Maine People Like:
1. Boots – My parent’s breezeway has a shelf containing only boots. Some of them don’t even fit anybody’s feet. One look at L.L. Bean’s boot page will confirm this.
2. Typar – I’ve never seen as many houses covered in Typar as I do in Maine. Apparently you don’t have to pay as much for home insurance if your house isn’t completed, so people will put off certain parts of construction for as long as possible. That’s yankee ingenuity right there.
3. Uncle Henry’s – Mainers hate throwing anything away if it can be reused for something else. If we finally do come to the conclusion that we have no use for something (or we have better use for it’s worth) then we go straight for the back page of Uncle Henry’s. It predates Craigslist by nearly 30 years, and is still printed on an ancient material known as “paper.” Even the Wall Street Journal can’t stop raving about it. I especially like the part where they talk to Warren Sylvester, owner of Warren’s Wood Stoves in Warren, Maine.
4. Coffee Brandy – The Champagne of Maine is the top selling liquor in Maine for over 20 years. The 1/2 gallon bottle of Allen’s Coffee Brandy sells 98,000 cases every year, and it’s only competition is, of course, the liter sized bottle of Allen’s Coffee Brandy.
“It’s an ideal food for crime” says Portland defense lawyer Thomas J. Connolly. More hilariously disturbing quotes can be found here and here, which includes a photo from former Rumford dive, The Barn Board.
5. Patrick Dempsey – I don’t actually know if Mainers like the Grey’s Anatomy star and Lewiston native, but they certainly have reason to. In the last few years he has donated butt loads of money to cancer research and treatment, and has recently funded the opening of The Dempsey Center for Cancer Hope and Healing at CMMC with a cool quarter million dollars. The DCCHH is not only trying to help fight cancer, but also putting a lot more emphasis on education of cancer with a cancer resource library, a dedicated space for support group meetings and a toll-free assistance line providing information on local, state and national resources for those living with cancer. Just last week Dempsey announced The Dempsey Challenge, a 100 mile 1 day cycling event that will bring more funds into The Dempsey Center. It takes place in October, and Dempsey himself will participate in the ride.
Da Economy
Interestingly though, I learned that Hummer has licensed it’s name out to a bicycle company. Guess what it is! Seriosuly, guess! You have to. IT’S A FULL SIZE BIKE BUILT FOR ROUGH TERRAIN BUT DISGUISED AS SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULD RIDE TO WORK ON! Stay the course boys, stay the frickin course.
Image hosted by Flickr.
At His Smartest
Worst Christmas Present
Wow, giving this book to someone is like adding insult to chronic debilitating emotional turmoil.
Other awful presents one may give or receive are the book “Outing Yourself“, the much talked about gift certificate for Planned Parenthood, and absolutely anything from Sharper Image.
Stick to my Christmas list guys, and you’ll be a-ok. 19 more days!
AdamBelanger.Com 