Category: File this one under “Complaints”

File this one under “Complaints”

Technology, Where Are You?

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OK, I’ll admit it, cars can do some pretty cool things. Do you remember the first time you saw power windows? How about the first time you experienced cruise control first hand? Do you remember how amazed you were when you realized that there’s an iPod cable in the center console that connects to your stereo? It displays the track names right there in the dash. You can change the track from buttons on the damn steering wheel. With the new Ford Sync, you can control your iPod by just shouting commands. It will even read you your text messages! We’ve got solar powered ventilation systems. Your car knows where you are, when to turn right and what traffic to avoid. They put cameras in the back bumper so you don’t even need to turn your head around while you back up for Chrissakes. But here’s the deal: Why isn’t there an in-car refrigerator yet? If I can’t leave a delicious Coca Cola in my car all day long without it warming up to piss temperatures, than how am I supposed to fully enjoy owning a car?

Car manufacturers, the ball is in your court.

Let’s Take This Seriously Guys

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America’s Funniest Videos is one of my favorite shows. Seriously, go check my Facebook profile. Not every clip is golden though, I know that. Maybe Bergeron just needs a nicely laid out list.
LESS:
• People screaming while riding roller coasters. It was never funny, it never will be.
• Mascots doing something dumb (unless it’s getting in a fight with other mascots.)
• Fake ass videos that people made just to get on AFV.
• Boats accidentally driving up onto the beach. It reminds me too much of the San Francisco scenes from The Lost World.
• People dropping guns after firing them. They’re lucky they didn’t take a bullet to the genitals.

MORE:
• Exercise balls to the face.
• Brutal falls down the stairs.
• Animals eating/licking something that they instantly regret.
• People sneaking up on other people and scaring them with loud noises. That never gets old. Bonus points if the sneaker is someone really famous that doesn’t seem like a practical joker. Edward Norton, Al Gore and Reese Witherspoon are all good places to start.
• People walking into sliding doors. So funny, every time.

There you go, run along ABC.

Impatience

adambelanger1 Comment

Around the middle of April, many websites started buzzing about the soon to be released Hulu iPhone app and how “badass” it was. Well folks, where the fuck is it?
Where is my Daily Show?
Where is my Heroes?
Where is my It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia?
Where is my self control when there are hundreds of hours of television just a few taps away?

P.S. Check back tomorrow for everybody’s favorite time of the year, Christmas List time!

Ugh, WordPress App

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My day 5 post got lost in some Internet bullshit. I wonder if in the future we will look at our Internet the same way we look at the street layout of Boston.
Anyways, here’s some Maine jokes.

Zombies of Seattle

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When I heard about the Shaun of the Dead screening at the Fremont Outdoor Movies, I didn’t think it could get any better. Then when I heard that the organizers were also going to try to break the Guinness World Record for mass zombie walk, I was even more excited. Flash forward to last Friday (huh?) and you will witness me, gleefully perched on the pad of asphalt, taking in the sights; zombie cheerleaders, zombie pirates, even zombie babies. Night Zero was there, so was S.G. Brown. As soon as the “Thriller” dance started I thought to myself “boy, there’s no way I could look back on this evening and be dissappointed!” Then they fired up the projector, surprise, the image is totally out of focus. I mentioned it to someone at the projector and was assured “it’s focused all the way.” What on earth does that mean? Even after bringing one of them closer to the screen, they still failed to know what to do.
The funny part is that I instantly recognized the projector. My old friend the Canon LV-7575. And let me tell you, if you know my friend LV-7575, you know that his stock lens has a focus range of 3′ to 29′, anything closer or further is simply going to be out of acceptable focus! The projector had to have been double that distance from the screen. It definitely makes me think that the whole situation was poorly thought out. If you want your image to be a certain size, do some research to find out what projector and lens can accomplish it. I would certainly prefer having a smaller screen, as long as it was focused properly, especially while watching a movie with so many hilarious details as SOTD.
I hope this post made you feel absolutely awful, just so I can lift your spirits with the following photograph:
Hope you all had a good holiday weekend.

Am I Missing Something?

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Quick question: When was the last time you successfully tore toilet paper on the serrated edge in a public restroom? Never in my life has a toilet paper dispenser actually functioned as I believe it should. It makes me wonder what they are doing at the companies that manufacture these bathroom frustrations. Do they not have the budget for product testing? Do they assume everyone is going to tear by hand anyways? Or have they just stopped caring? Seriously guys, get your act together. No more excuses.