The Recession

Time of death, 9:47 am June 2nd 2009.
Despite GM declairing bankruptcy, the Planet Money blog is telling me things are A-OK. Check out the sick graph there! I notice they forgot to mention that most people spent about $200 more on car companies recently than in the past. Weird.
Also they point out that people are cutting back on vacationing. Lots of people are partaking in “stay-cations,” where you find ways to relax at home, without all the travel and hotels and socially acceptable swimwear. I’m going to take this practice even further. Instead of telling the family that they’re getting a stay-cation, lie to them. Tell them you’re going to Hawaii, or France, or Amsterdam. Load them up in the car, drive around the block and pull right back into your driveway. Yell “JUST KIDDING” and give each family member a list of chores that they have to finish before the end of the day. Never bring them to Hawaii or France or Amsterdam. I call it the JK-tion.

Not Quite Beer Pong

My mother was really ragging on me about not updating my blog, so here’s something to impress her. I present to you BALL HOLE; part 1 of my multipart series on alternative drinking games. Grab your beers and pay attention.

1. Procure a golf ball. Check the closets, garage or, if necessary, the sporting goods store.
2. Procure a glass top patio table that has an umbrella hole in the center. Make sure it’s big enough for a golf ball to easily fit through. Something like this should work. If it’s got a plastic ring around it, cut that shit off.
3. Stand on opposite ends of the table from your opponent. Take turns rolling the ball across the table, attempting to sink the ball through the hole. Every time a player sinks the ball, the other player must take a drink of their favorite adult beverage.
4. Play until one person has sunk the ball 5 times. The loser must finish his or her beverage in one chug.
5. Continue playing until the table top is in tiny shards all across the floor/yard.

This game can be played with as many people fit around the table. It is quite important that the player keep his or her wrist behind the edge of the table when he or she is rolling the ball, this is, after all, a gentleman’s game.
BONUS: Put a cup underneath the table, centered with the hole above it. If the ball falls into the cup and stays there, it’s an automatic win for that player.